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| Fist wag. |
It's pretty obvious that I'm a Transformers fan based on my profile icon for this blog. I was a huge fan when I was a kid and as an adult I find a large amount of nostalgia when watching current iterations of the Transformers. That is to say, I'm very biased toward liking these movies.
That said, after finishing up what I assume is the last third of the live action Transformers movie trilogy (Michael Bay and Shia LaBOOF both say they are not coming back for another flick) I'm left with a similar feeling as huge Star Wars fans felt after the prequel trilogy concluded. It is a very easy comparison to make. Watch:
Star Wars I-III - Everything with light sabers is fucking cool. The acting is hollow for the most part. The plot could have been better.
Transformers 1-3 - Everything with massive robots beating the shit out of each other is fucking cool. The acting is hollow for the most part (exceptions are complimented below.) The plot could have been better.
As a middle of the road geek, I'm also a Star Wars fan (who isn't?) that was relatively disappointed with the prequels (more plot-wise than anything else.) That said, I enjoyed watching them for the sheer spectacle that was provided on screen. The Transformers movies fall right in line with that same comparison.
"Dark Of The Moon" improves on "Revenge Of The Fallen" by having a more direct plot. "ROTF" was all over the fucking place to cater to Michael Bay's desire to have robots fighting at the pyramids in Egypt. "DOTM" kept things States-side for the most part and the film benefited from that.
Rosie Huntington-Whiteley was a strong replacement for Megan Fox and provided eye candy for nerds the world over. She is a bit too hot for Shia LaBOOF's Sam, which was distracting. Sam getting Megan Fox in the previous movies was a bit more believable because a) it's easy to trick high school girls into settling and b) they experienced life-threatening events together strengthening their bond. With Rosie's Carly, Sam puts some cheesy moves on her and then she agrees to be his girlfriend AND pay his rent. Seems unlikely at best. Then again, robots from outer space battling on Earth isn't the most likely thing either.
Most of the previous cast returns. Josh Duhamel does a great job as usual and Tyrese is always welcome in action movies. I was disappointed with Terry Tate: Office Linebacker as he had an appearance as a soldier but came off as kind of a puss. Also, he looks a lot like half-of-Cee-Lo which was distracting. He should be spearing robots and ripping their heads off with his bare-hands, not cowering in fear during multiple moments!
The robots were mostly awesome. Optimus Prime was more of the badass that he deserves to be. Bumblebee played his usual role as Sam's best robot buddy, but I found myself more invested in this relationship as Sam and Bumblebee aren't always together as they are in the first two movies. There was an Italian Autobot named Vino that played a minor role. I'm pissed he didn't, at some point, say, "We've got a situation here." That would've been hilarious.
They wisely left the racist "twins" from the last movie out. Childish humor remained with Wheelie and his sidekick that looked like a miniature Grateful Dead fan. I get, there has to be kiddy humor in these movies (they are trying to sell toys after all) and this brand of lame jokes were much less excessive than "ROTF," which was good.
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| "I eat beef, wif my gold teef. I kiss bitches wif my fist!" |
Sentinel Prime (voiced by Leonard Nimoy) was solid. Nimoy voiced Galvatron, the main Decepticon antagonist, in the 1986 animated movie, so it was awesome to have him back voicing another Transformer. Maybe Judd Nelson can help out in the next set of Transformers movies? I'd be in favor of that move for sure.
The Decepticons were threatening as ever. Megatron was badly deformed from the final battle of "ROTF" while Starscream continued to gravel at his "master's" side. Soundwave was back and accompanied by Laserbeak, who really shines in this movie (there is a CREEPY home invasion scene that works quite well.)
And that brings us to Shockwave. They didn't make him evil and calculating like the 1980s comics or smart and loyal like the 80s cartoons, BUT they did make him extremely evil and dangerous. He faithfully retains his cyclops look and totes a corkscrew pet that wreaks excessive amounts of damage throughout the movie (you've seen this thing destroying a skyscraper in the movie's commercials.) Shockwave is intimidating and a sight to see in 3D.
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| "I will fuck you up." |
Which brings us to the 3D aspect of the whole thing. "DOTM" holds up as the second most impressive 3D experience I've seen at the movies (first is "Avatar.") I find the 3D medium gimmicky as a whole, but if you're going to see TF3, then pony up the extra few bucks. It's worth it to add depth to the robots and watching the soldiers "wingsuit" out of a plane and through the city below is worth the price of admission. What this movie lacks in plot is made up for in wicked special effects.
In the end, I enjoyed the movie. It was a bit too long and oddly paced at times, but the special effects are some of the most impressive ever seen on screen. It's almost jarring. I found myself concerned for the real actors during some of the stunts ("How the fuck did they not kill themselves while filming this?!?") I would say this is the second best Transformers movie overall (the first movie owned the most cohesive plot) but this third entry blows the others away in special effects and just being able to tell what is going on while the robots are fighting each other.
If you liked either of the first two movies, you'll enjoy this one. If you enjoy watching special effects and stunts, then you'll enjoy this movie as well. If you hate Michael Bay and Shia LaBOOF, then there probably isn't hope for you to like this movie at all. Unlike the actual Transformers, this movie is not pretending to be something it's not. It's a grand action flick that is a sight to be seen.
12 comments:
They had a reason for bringing back every character except Mojo the dog. What the hell! I miss that little guy! They even briefly explained Megan Fox's absence by basically calling her a cunt rag. I demand an explanation!
Maybe Mojo's broken leg got infected and he had to be sent to that dog-farm in the sky? Maybe Bumblebee accidentally ran him over in the driveway? Maybe the dog that plays Mojo held out for too much money? It is odd that Mojo wasn't in Sam's apartment. It actually would've made sense if he was there.
As someone said on twitter, Shia Lebeouf's acting abilities basically come down to two things: saying "No no no no no NO!" and making a face like a nerd that's about to be shoved into his locker. I enjoyed the first Transformers when I saw it in the theater, but I tried to watch it again and couldn't get through it. It's just too painful to watch that guy act.
In continuing with the Star Wars comparison, I'd rather watch Shia act in Transformers over Hayden Christiansen in the prequel Star Wars movies. That's not to say Shia's acting skills are great, but he doesn't kill my enjoyment of robot battles during the movie. I can't say the same thing about Anakin and light sabers.
I'll agree with you there. Shia is just a human prop to help the movie go from one robot fighting scene to the next robot fighting scene. Hayden Christiansen had to play a badass warrior (maybe the most badass warrior) turning evil, so when he came up short it was a lot more painful to watch. I guess I'll take "No no no NO!" over "Love won't save you, Padme. Only my new powers can do that!"
Quoting that Star Wars line has just upset me. I will be angry for the rest of the day.
HE MUST STAND TRIAL!--Hayden Christiansen is the worst and I blame Shia for ruining the entire Indiana Jones franchise.
I have not seen any of these movies and can't believe that they actually made three of these. I guess that America has more dorks and stupid kids than I thought.
Worst trilogy ever?
Count me as one of the dorks, I suppose. It's funny that you haven't seen the movies but you wonder if it is the worst trilogy ever. It is definitely not the worst trilogy ever. I'd rather watch these movies over any of the Scream movies, they are just as good as the Star Wars prequels (as I mentioned, quite comparable), and I'd rather watch these over the American Pie "trilogy." I'd even say that Jurassic Park 1 is great, but the second and third movies are so bad that I'd pick TF of those as well. I'm sure there are more.
When movies make tons of cash, they'll keep making them.
Then again, I did mention I was bias...
Well, if we're talking worst series of all time (not just trilogy), there's a lot more to choose from. I'd nominate:
Leprechaun - Leprechaun: Back 2 da Hood, anyone?
Home Alone - There was no reason to make a second, let alone third one of these.
Police Academy - I love me some Steve Guttenberg as much as the next guy, but did we need seven of them?
Jaws - The damn shark dies at the end for a reason. You can't just keep making movies about random sharks.
Scream - I loved me some Neve Campbell back in the day, but I'm not sure she can hold up a "hot horror movie victim" at the age of 37.
Scary Movie - Just ugh.
I Know What You Did Last Summer - yeah, they made two more: I Still Know What You Did Last Summer and I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer. What's next? "Hey, Remember What You Did That Summer 25 Years Ago? I Still Remember That." and "I Can Sometimes Remember What You Did That Summer, But When My Alzheimer's Is Acting Up I Completely Forget What You Did That Summer." Maybe they can do a cross promo with The Notebook.
And of course: Twilight. The acting in Transformers may be terrible, but at least there aren't awkward pauses after every sentence and emo teens talking about special everyone else is. Shia Lebeouf and Robert Pattinson can have the ultimate battle for title of shittiest actor and hopefully kill each other in the process.
Nice observations, Observer. That is what you do best. Twilight FTW, indeed. I can't come up with any better "I Know What You Did..." titles, so I won't even try. Excellent work.
Forgot about Twilight. Well played.
I understand why Scream and Scary Movie got a bunch of movies because they cost like 4 bucks to make. But Michael Bay seems to like to spend a billion dollars per movie. Bay sucks. When in doubt, blow it up.
"When in doubt, blow it up."
I fail to see why this is a bad motto to live by?
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