Ok, since I've been reducing the amount of sports posts (not for any reason, just sort of happened) I'm going to post about sports today. Which leads us to... Soccer? Jesus help us...
When I was in kindergarten, I played Soccer for one game in a youth league. A bigger kid bumped me during the game and I started bleeding profusely out of my nose. I admit, I was a bit of a scared-ee-cat when I was a kid and I refused to go back in the game (even after being offered a bribe of Frosty Boy by my parents- to this day I know it was a mistake.) Even though I played the following year on a far shittier team, my days of playing Soccer were numbered from the moment I stepped on the field.
As a grown-ass-man now, I like high stakes International Men's Soccer. This feeling comes over me once every four years and grabs my attention for a few weeks, albeit the World Cup is still not as important as MLB or even the NBA Draft. My point is, there is literally nothing the sport of Soccer can do to legitimately win me over as a regular fan. But why? I've even recently begun watching more NHL Hockey- and it is fucking awesome. Hockey and Soccer have the same premise (item scoring when it finds it's way into a net) but Hockey is WAY better. And I think I have a perfect example of why. Let's go to the tape of Sunday's US Women's Soccer game against Brazil:
If you were unable to watch the video, it was NOT the game equalizing goal by the US in the 122nd minute of the game. It WAS, however, the brutal fake injury by some Brazilian broad that allowed the clock to keep running (though also lead to the game lasting into the 122nd minute.) Would a Hockey player deliberately fake an injury to waste time? No? Oh, that's right, because most Hockey players are not pussies and there is no running clock in their sport. So here is my theory:
People of the United States will not get into Soccer full time (i.e. it would be at least as popular as Hockey) until players STOP faking injuries AND they change the rules to allow for some sort of time stoppage during injuries.
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| This pic should not have come up when I image searched "Soccer Injury Faking." |
There is zero chance either of those things are incorporated into the game. Players have incentives to fake injuries to gain clock or ref bias advantages. Any stoppage of clock would change the way the game is played and the rest of the world would freak out. I say, stop being pussies and why wouldn't you want a stop clock? It would help the game last longer and there would be less dead time where players stall.
As great as the end of the US Women's Soccer match against Brazil was (Dick Tracy and I left to go eat around minute 119- oops) and as happy as I am that Brazil ended up losing due in part to karma rearing its ugly head against flopping bitches, Soccer will always play at least fifth fiddle in the US. I don't see it changing. Sunday's game was as exciting as Women's Soccer can possibly be and I still don't really care all that much.
What say you? Is there anything Soccer can do to win you over? Is my hypothesis accurate even though it is in no way provable? While I do see Soccer gaining some popularity, I don't think there are enough fans to cause a culture change in mainstream society. Sorry Soccer Hooligans- keep on cheering for Man U even though you've never been to the UK.
6 comments:
I agree with you, Prime. The level of diving in soccer is horrendous. I actually think I like watching videos of soccer players acting like they've been shot by a sniper in the crowd more than I like watching actual soccer. There are other things that make hockey way better than soccer, e.g. the fact the goalie has more chances to make highlight reel saves, the crisper passing, and the physical play, but diving ruins the sport most of all.
Hockey players do occasionally embellish or fake injuries, but I think it's limited because there's a penalty involved either way: either the diving player gets the ref to call a penalty, which will piss off that ref and every other when they watch the video, or the ref doesn't buy it and the diving player goes to the box.
I think soccer would be a better sport if players were allowed to punch each other in the face.
The dumb thing is that the Brazilian woman who faked an injury on Sunday did get a yellow card, but that didn't affect the game at all. The only effect was the additional time added in extra time, which is at the ref's discretion. Automatic red cards for flopping shenanigans might help the sport greatly. Also, so would your suggestion of allowing punches to the face.
I was going to say that, Observer. You flop in hockey, you end up in the penalty box for being a shithead and a disgrace. And that is beautiful.
Ever since I moved to Columbus 5 years ago, I've become more and more of a puckhead every year. And my team sucks! Once you learn the subtleties and rules of the game, it is a great game. Those that call it boring are ignorant.
What team did you play for? Rogliatti's Sports Center? Lions Club? I was on Woods Auto Supply. We were above average.
Until soccer stops being called "football" in some parts of the world, I will never respect it.
I don't remember the sponsors, but I believe the first year (for half a game) I was on the Stars and the next year I was on the Force. Does that sound familiar?
I'm in on hockey for next year. Especially if basketball doesn't happen.
Soccer fucking sucks.
That is damn hilarious Detective Tracy. LOL
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