- Actually like the band/artist you are going to see. How many times to you hear dumb bitches talking about how they "can't wait for that one song!" They chose to go not because they like the band performing, but because some guy that likes them paid for their ticket (and of course, this guy has no chance at hooking up with them.) The exception is if you are going with your spouse because they really enjoy the band. Put on a happy face and fake it as best as possible, but it's unlikely you'll be the annoying, over-enthusiastic person who doesn't know any songs by the band playing.
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| "OMG! We, like, totally match!" |
- Drink before going in. Event beers cost $10 each sometimes. It is far easier to tailgate in the parking lot (or wherever), go in and have a beer or two to keep your buzz level, and be ready to go by the time the headliner comes on. Just make sure you don't drink too much! Blacking out at a show is a waste of your money- and you also might lose your sandals.
| "That will be $11.75 and a testicle." |
- Do not wear a shirt of the band you are going to see. This is a confusing one that many people clearly ignore. I know this rule is counter-intuitive if compared to a sporting event (clearly you'll wear gear of the sports team you like and are going to watch) but it's just the way it is. It's somewhat acceptable to buy a shirt and put it on at the show, but I do not recommend this practice either. It's better to wear a different band shirt or something non-music related. Other band shirts you will always see at shows? Led Zepplin and AC/DC. Every time. It doesn't matter if it's a Bright Eyes, O.A.R., or Lady Gaga concert- you'll always see THAT guy at a show.
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| "What is Klingon for 'douche?'" |
- Know the terrain. It is amazing how many people can't figure out when they buy tickets if the venue/show is reserved seats or general admission, seated or standing. Know the situation and be prepared to act accordingly. If you absolutely need to get up front and the show is GA, then show up early (or be a huge dick and likely cause a fight squeezing up front.) If you have reserved seats, find out who the opener is and likely show up after they are done. The more you are aware of your surroundings, the better off you'll be.
- Play the "what do you think they'll open with?" game. It's a fun game that is, at times, a true crap shoot. Take tonight for example- what will STP open with? I mentioned Wednesday that I'm hoping for "Dead & Bloated." I could also see "Meatplow" or "Vasoline" (if they aren't saving that for later in the set.) I can't imagine the opener will not come from their first or second albums. Yeah, I just used a double negative- what of it?
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| "Fuck you- we're playing our entire new record!" |
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Here's a fun story from August of 2000. My girlfriend at the time and I had been dating for only a couple months. We decided to see Third Eye Blind, Vertical Horizon, and Nine Days at the Sleeptrain Amphitheater in Marysville. We showed up early and earned a spot right up front (the area in front of the stage was GA.) We peacefully watched Nine Days and Vertical Horizon. I even caught a Vertical Horizon pick (which I still have, but it is not one of my most valued possessions.) Before Third Eye Blind was about to take the stage, some fat, drunk bitch tries to cut in front of us. She's stumbling in the crowd and mumbling about how "all these posers aren't real fans." Considering I met the band over a year before their first major label record came out, I took exception to this. Also, I think I felt like I had to act tough in front of the girl I'd been dating only a short time.
Me: Hey, you can't cut in front of us- all of us here got here early. You're not getting in front of us.
Her: [drunken mumbles] Yeah, I'm just going to go right there. [points in front of me.]
Me: No you're not- I know you think you're some awesome fan, but we got here early and you're not getting in front of us.
Her: Um... I... uh... going there. [take a hint already, bitchzilla!]
Me: Go bother someone else- this isn't happening for you.
Her: [Still trying to push her way in front of us] I swear I'm not usually like this- I'm not a bitch.
Me: Oh- but you ARE a bitch. [This was not a great thing to tell a drunk girl with a beer in her hand.]
At this point, I see her eyes get big and she's definitely going to dump the beer on my head. Since I'm tall, I grab the cup and begin to raise it up out of her hand. She realizes this, and crushes the cup. It barely gets on me. It gets COMPLETELY all over my now ex-girlfriend (we did not break up due to this- that came later.)
Fun fact: The security guard looked exactly like Kurt Angle. After the beer dumping, I called out for "Kurt Angle" to come over and kick the drunk girl out of the pit. He actually responded quickly leading me to believe it might have been the Gold Medalist. Third Eye Blind came on minutes later and my date was drenched in beer. She toughed it out and was a good sport about it, but here is another lesson- People are going to be drunk assholes. Do not incite them into doing dumb stuff that will affect you.
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| He may actually work security on the side these days. |
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So there you have it. Concert Going 101. Feel free to add in your own (obvious?) tips. Have a great weekend!
3 comments:
Ohhhhhh, Mr Fancy Pants knows Third Eye Blind...la-dee-da!
I've seen and smelled people smoking up in reserved seating indoors. Come the fuck on...get high before you come in.
I never cheer after the band initially walks off stage. I know you're coming back out for an encore, don't insult my intelligence.
Slow songs/ballads is not an invitation to whip out your BIC lighter. Can't stress that one enough.
Great call with the lighter, however, phone apps with fake lighters are dumb.
I met 3EB as a sophomore in high school. They opened for Oasis and we talked with them after the show when they were loading out. Their bass player was the friendliest guy, though later he sliced the Green Day bass player's neck with a broken beer bottle.
Yeah, toking up in a reserved section is idiotic. Just invite security over so they can kick your ass out, why don'tcha?
What is your opinion of people who go down to the floor and dance by themselves between the opening band and the main act? Welcome entertainment during the intermission, or show-offing douche-baggery? I think it could go either way.
I personally hope my children are never into tween-pop music. Can you imagine going with your 10 year old to a Justin Bieber 2020-ish equivalent? Not only will you be violating the rules you set forth above, like not liking the artist and not drinking beforehand (unless you want child services on your ass), going to a tween concert should itself be a violation of the rules.
I hope STP opens with Army Ants, and later on in the show plays three bars of Vaseline when Scott Weiland stops and says "Fuck that song, it's been played way too fucking much." I also hope he shoots heroin while reading his own dickepdia page out loud on the stage.
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