Monday, October 31, 2011

NFL: Week 8

OUCH. 

Fantasy Football karma is a beeotch.  Last week was magical for two of my teams.  Unfortunately, this week put the scales back in balance by making my play like fromunda cheese.  But we'll get to Fantasy Football in a sec.  First, let's talk about this awful week of football. 

- The Bears were off.  Many weeks during the season, the Bears are the ones who put forth anemic performances.  This week, they didn't play so they couldn't possibly be responsible for the wretched play coming through the satellite waves.  Good luck next week against the Eagles, fellas!

- The 49ers got the job done against the Browns despite allowing the Brown-holes to be within striking distance in the 4th quarter.  The Niners dominated this game, but did not cash in on a few opportunities for TDs.  Is it unreal that the Niners are now 6-1 while the Seahawks in second place in the NFC West at 2-5? 

- Drew Brees... how you toy with my emotions.  I am so glad I was not in Reno this weekend.  I likely would've either left this game alone or bet on the Saints.  What can I say?  I have fantasy-goggles for Brees and Co.  The Saints were vomit-inducing against the previously winless Rams.  Brees and Colston severely affected my ability to have a successful Fantasy week.  

- There were some truly putrid games on this week.  I am absolutely amazed that I continued watching.  Be it the Redskins/Bills game or the Lions/Broncos game, weak teams were getting abused in lopsided games.  Did I mention the Colts?  Oh wow, they are worse than "Heroes" Season 4- and I did not think anything could be worse than that. 

"Save The Cheerleader, Save The World."  Oh wait, we did that, but it didn't work so we dropped that particular plot detail? Oops.
- The Cowboys: see the previous paragraph.  Tony Romo should work in a Tony Roma's rather than quarterback a NFL team. 

Fantasy Football Update:

Friends & Family:

CORE 56.30 - Foster... Arian 4 Beer 155.96

I just need to give up on this league.  I got taken to the woodshed this week.  FA4B had Steven Jackson and the Lions D put an ass whopping on me that Stone Cold Steve Austin would be proud of. I have Phillip Rivers and V-Jackson going tomorrow, but he still has Dwayne Bowe left!  Unreal!

Cali Not Keepers:

Peppermill High Rollers 70 - Boomer Sooners 86

While getting beat this week I couldn't help but continue to imagine Billy Sims yelling "BOOMER!" over and over again.  Oddly, this team also started Steven Jackson against me and even though I did have the Lions D, Brees was bad, Forte was on a bye, and Welker and BJG-E combined for 3 points (Thanks Patriots!)  I have no one left [knocks over King piece.]

Murder Panties 106 - Casey's Son 123

Ugh.  While Foster and Steve Smith were great, Brees and others did not put up their normal points and my team will likely get beat.  Apparently, for Casey's Son to own a fantasy player, they must be on the Detroit Lions (Megatron, Burleson, Schefler, and the Lions' D.)  I have the Chargers D and he has Dexter McCluster left to go. 

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I'm pissed about this week and would rather stop talking about this week for me to forget. 

Happy Halloween!

Thursday, October 27, 2011

No Post Today

Sorry everyone, nothing today.  I'm trying to prove to the Observer that Thursday needs him (and I simply didn't have time to put something together last night.)  Thanks for hanging in there.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Flipping People Off On The Freeway

I was flipped off on the freeway the other day.  Here's the scenario and we can debate about whether I deserved it or not (I couldn't care less either way, though.)

During my morning commute, I was driving in the center lane of a three lane freeway.  My exit was coming up quick and the cars in the lane on my right were doing an elephant walk making it hard to merge over.  When the sign for my exit came into view, I put on my blinker, waited a couple seconds, and merged into a smaller than desired space.  My exit came up so quickly that I literally kept my blinker on and exited.

This is when the car behind me sped up, honked long and hard, and had their passenger riding shotgun flip me off. I laughed.

I'm curious to know their motivation there.  I suppose you could rationalize that I should have gotten over miles ago.  It's a pretty thin argument, but that might be the only leeway I would give in this situation.  I put my blinker on, they knew exactly what I was doing, and getting off the freeway means that there was urgency in my moves.  In no way was it even close to dangerous.  This leads me wonder about the people in the car flipping me off...

Do they flip people off daily?  They could be just looking for their scapegoat of the morning each morning- and today was my day.

Do they believe it is offensive for anyone to change lanes in front of them while driving?  Maybe they are big NASCAR fans that any attempt at merging over is seen as a slap in the face.  "Do you bite your thumb at me?"  I do, sir!

I agree that this was not the ideal situation for merging over, but once I made my move off the freeway, they had to know exactly what I was doing.  They sped up intentionally to honk and attempt to upset me.  Unfortunately, they didn't count on me being a secure person who doesn't care about some turd on the freeway flipping me off.  In fact, it provided me a topic for a blog- bonus!

While this was not the most interesting blog topic ever, feel free to chime in on any time you feel like you've been wrongly flipped off.  When the world gives the general public big responsibilities (like driving massive machines that are essentially death robots on wheels), it is obvious that the majority of people will abuse the power and let it go to their overcompensating heads.  

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Dexter Season 6

I'm going to talk about Dexter up to this point in the season.  My intention is not to be spoiler-heavy, but let's be honest, if you haven't watched this season and will be upset if you are spoiled, then take the day off today. 

This season of Dexter has been good, but not great so far.  That said, it is what the series needed to keep things fresh.  For example, in the first episode, we are reintroduced to Dexter and he states that the last year has been relatively care-free and his murders have been executed to perfection.  Also, early in the season they sent Dexter to a high school reunion dance for a blow job and an easy kill.  As a viewer, this was a welcome segue into the season.  It allowed the audience to take a breath and reset the tension of the show.  Last season went directly from the Trinity killer debacle directly into the Lumen/Camp Rape/Jordan Chase situation.  The building tension forced me to start believing that there was no way Dexter would be able to escape all the heat of these situations crashing in on him. 

HAMMER TIME!
Currently, I feel they are doing a good job of pushing the reset button before ratcheting up the danger to Dexter and his loved ones once again. 

The focal point of this season has been faith- or more specifically, Dexter's lack of faith.  I was skeptical of this storyline, but with the help of Mos' Brother Sam, I'm starting to really buy in to the direction of the plot.  Initially, I wasn't sure that Mos would be anything more than a botched kill to shake Dexter about of his utopian murdering, but I've grown to really like Brother Sam.  I'm sure they'll put him in more situations that will make us question how much he's actually repented, but that's part of the fun, I suppose. 

Deb has been promoted to lieutenant and is square in the middle of a political squabble between Matthews and Laguarta.  Is it just me, or does this season feel like the perfect time to kill off Deb?  She has been on a collision course to get shanked for a long time and it feels like she could find out about Dexter then meet her doom during the season finale.  If not Deb, what characters could be playing chess with the Grim Reaper in the near future?

Quinn - I'm 50/50 on Quinn.  I thought he had a better chance of dying last season.  Now that he made it past Season 5 and is back to boning chicks and smoking doobies this year, I can't tell if they are working toward him getting Doakesed. 

Baustia - He might be the safest character besides Dexter in the entire show.  Killing him off would be quite a shock, which probably is why they would consider it.  I don't think they have the marbles to peel the bacon off his back, though. 

Brother Sam - As Dexter and Brother Sam (hilarious abbreviated as B.S.) become closer, Mos is more at risk.  Dexter ends up either putting his friends at risk or killing them outright. 

Detective Anderson - Chances of sleeping with Deb: 100%  Chances of dying: 80%  They brought this stiff in to do both. 

Masuka - Surprisingly, allowing the hot blonde girl to steal evidence from the Ice Truck Killer has put him in danger.  I doubt he's going to get killed, but I can definitely see him being put in a more harrowing position than ever before.  

And this brings us to Colin Hanks.  He's definitely going down.  I mean, the big bad boss man from each season has been killed to resolve the story arc.  I'm not trying to ruin anything, but when Edward James Olmos' character turns out to be as real as Brad Pitt's Tyler Durdin from "Fight Club," don't blame me for ruining it. 

I am Jack's sense of impending doom.
While Colin Hanks talks to him like he's Jiminy Cricket, no other character has truly acknowledged his presences.  The camera played tricks on us last episode, but the tied up girl truly did not do anything to prove to me that EJO was actually real. 

My overall impression is that this season has given us a little time to breathe, and while that may not be the most interesting television right now, I think it will go a long way in helping the longevity of the show.  I can't wait to see where they go from here.

Monday, October 24, 2011

NFL Week Sev-On! But You Just Hit G8...

An obscure movie reference in the title of the post?  This may already be on its way downhill, but let's check in with the action around the league. 

- The Bears get a HUGE win in London.  Beating the Bucs is big.  At 4-3, they are at the Bears are in the exact same position they were last year at this same time.  More importantly, they beat a contending team on a big stage to prove they are legit. 

On a side note that is becoming more and more personal to me, PAY MATT FORTE.  Just pay him.  What in the fuck are the Bears waiting for?  Does Jerry Angelo even talk with the coaching staff?  Wouldn't it be a smart idea to sign Forte to a reasonable deal before the season rather than allow him to be 80% of the Bears offense just to prove how valuable he is?  At this point, the Bears are going to have to ridiculously overpay Forte, or risk losing him to free agency (or franchise him and make him angry.)  It is an unbelievably counter intuitive bargaining strategy. 

- FOX TV scheduling fucked me.  Earlier in the week, the Comcast guide said "Chicago vs. Tampa Bay" was going to be on at 10am.  Unfortunately, after waking from my beer induced coma from the night before, I found the Falcons/Lions game on my TV.  Shit.  I hadn't made alternate plans, so I just watched the Lions/Falcons game.  It was a decent game, but I was angry the entire time.  At least the Lions lost- suck it Detroit.  I already hate you overachieving assholes.

- The Packers are vulnerable.  Don't get me wrong, they are still the best team in the NFL.  But they are vulnerable.  Their game against the Christian Ponder led Vikings proved it.  Aaron Rodgers and Co. are sick, but I get the feeling they are beatable. 

- So sorry, G$.  Your Redskins have been exposed as frauds.  I really thought they were legit this year, but now I'm having second thoughts.  I agree that people make too much of one week in the NFL, and John Beck could help the offense after more time with the starters, however, I thought the Redskins had a stronger defense than what they demonstrated on Sunday.  Good luck with all that...

- The Saints were UNREAL on Sunday night.  62-7?!  I knew the Colts are bad without Peyton Manning, but I didn't realize they were that bad.  I'll talk about it more during the fantasy football update, but I had Drew Brees score 43 points for me in this game and he wasn't the top scorer on my own team! 

Fantasy Football Update:

Friends & Family:

CORE 63 - McDouchebag 92

I give up on this team.  Phillip Rivers is a joke and I'll never draft him ever again. 

Cali Not Keepers:

Peppermill High Rollers 137 - Crafts Crushers Slow Strokers 72

My team is still the best, by far, in this league.  Brees, Arian Foster and Matt Forte dominated this week as they have for most of the season.  Until anyone decides to stop me, I plan to continue bending my opponents over and abusing them in the dirtiest of hotel rooms.  Stop me, if you can. 

MSFL:

Murder Panties 185 - Casey Anthony's Rack 71

Since Foster and Brees are also on this team, I of course took care of the business in this league as well.  While they have Ray Rice left, I can't imagine he has a 115 point game in store for us on Monday Night. 

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I am awfully happy with the results as a whole this week.  Bears win and two of my fantasy teams are killing it.  Ain't nothing wrong with that!

Friday, October 21, 2011

Almost... to... the... weekend...

Well, shit.  I'm struggling for a topic today.  Writing 5 days a week is no joke!  I'll just cover a quick hodge-podge of topics and then move into the weekend:

- Oye!  The Bears are playing the Tuberculous Buccaneers in London on Sunday, and I'm excited for the game.  I'm quite confused about how good either team truly is, but I think the picture might be more clear after the dust settles on the pitch.  This will be a fun match-up of the old NFC Central.  Is Tampa wearing their old uniforms?  That would be pretty damn nostalgic (also, it would be like looking at vomit on my TV, which fits the Bucs perfectly.) 

- The new album "Gift Horse" by Stephen Kellogg & The Sixers is worth a listen.  It is solid Rock/Pop with a bit of a Country twang (Country that is pleasant rather than unbearable.)  Here is a sample:



- Alex from The Damnwells is playing at Red Devil Lounge in SF on Sunday. I can't go and I'm bummed. I'm sure it will be a great show, so if you're around The City on Sunday, I highly recommend stopping in. Show starts at 7:30pm.

- This weekend will be my first two-day weekend in a few weeks. I need it. My brain has turned as mushy as The Situation's after he smashed it into a goddamn concrete wall. I literally want to pull a Ron Swanson and tell my boss the exact number of vacation hours I've accrued and let them know that I'm taking all of them immediately. However, that is definitely not happening, so on we go. I will say that I'm excited because occasional commenter Dick Tracy is having a party at his house tomorrow so there will be plenty of beers to drink and food to eat. I might drink myself into a coma. We'll have to see...

Enjoy the weekend. Go Bears and go beers!

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Highly Overused Metaphors

Bryant Gumble recently compared David Stern and the NBA owners to plantation owners... yada yada yada. For whatever reason, people LOVE to use the most tragic examples of world history and compare them to current events- no matter how ludicrous the analogy may be. Let's look at this analogy and two other recent ones to decide how much merit these comparisons have.

Bryant Gumble does NOT mess around.
Bryant Gumble: NBA Players = Slaves (Workers) and David Stern & The Owners (Owners) = Plantation Owners

Workers Avg. Pay - Slaves ($0 + barren living expenses), NBA Players (just over $5 million)

Percentage of business revenue going toward workers - Slaves (0%), NBA Players (under the recently expired deal, 57%)

Hmmm...

Look, I agree that my blog is not the haven of informative research (and it never will be) but I know off the top of my head that Michael Jordan and Jay-Z are both involved in ownership groups of NBA teams. Now, that's at least two more African-American owners in the NBA today than were plantation owners back before the Civil War.

A more proper analogy would one of a giant business pushing around its highly valuable employees. The NBA makes zero money without the players, however owners put a ton of their cash on the line as well to bring the product to the masses. They should strike a fair deal that works for both parties, but laying the "plantation" comparison on the situation is simply not fair.

Hank Williams, Jr.: President Obama = Hitler

BOCEPHUS!
I know, I know. This isn't a political blog, but off the top of my head, this is another unfair comparison. You can absolutely hate Obama's political views or actions, but a Hitler analogy is just not correct. Hitler took control of Germany using a Nazi force of Gestapo, then began to wipe "undesirable" races off the face of the European continent. Obama was voted in via a democratic process and still has to work with checks and balances in the three branch governmental system.

I agree that when inspecting Bocephus' statement, he's not exactly calling Obama "Hitler" in context, but he needless dropped the "Hitler" card on top of the Uno pile. He could've said, "They go together like Larry and Balki from 'Perfect Strangers!'" Or alternatively, "They go together like Felix and Oscar from 'The Odd Couple!'" His main point was to say that it was odd that Obama was playing golf with a notable Republican and that he was not for it. Now, besides the fact that having no tolerance for bi-partisanship is small-minded, the Hitler comparison was not necessary. Enjoy not singing for Monday Night Football (AKA his only stream of revenue for the last 25 years.)

Adrian Peterson: NFL Owers (Slave Masters) and NFL Players (Slaves)

Adrian Peterson putting in work on the Cotton (Bowl) field.
AP used a similar analogy to Bryant Gumble. Most of my arguments from the NBA comparison apply here, though I can't think of any Black owners in the NFL. I will give AP some credit, the slave comparison is at least more valid in this situation due to the fact that football players literally destroy their bodies playing this sport which is not the standard in the NBA (I'm not saying it never happens, just that football is a more brutal game than basketball.) While it is more valid, it is still way off. When people use slavery as a comparison to any business where the workers average over $1 million dollars in average salary, they are trivializing the history of this country. Slavery was an awful mark on our country's history with plenty of stories of bravery from both Black and White people to finally outlaw its practice. Professional athletes are not slaves. They are being paid handsomely to play a game that they theoretically love (or at the very least, they make tons of cash working hard.)

Politics and business can be unbelievably contentious. It is important to keep some perspective in today's modern age and realize that your slavery and Hitler comparisons are probably not applicable any longer (if they ever where.)

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Halloween Songs

A great Halloween song is extremely hard to find.  It is awfully difficult to find the balance between cheesy/goofy versus gory/satanic.  Today, I will attempt to rank my Top 5 favorite Halloween songs.  I can't promise the results will be good because I am having a difficult time thinking of good Halloween songs off the top of my head.  That's never stopped me before, though...

Dishonorable mention:

"Purple People Eater"



One eyed, one horned, flying purple people eater? I'm assuming they are singing about a cock. Gross. This song is terrible. Moving on...

5) "Nightmare On My Street"



What's that you say? You want to combine Freddy Kreuger with Will Smith and DJ Jazzy Jeff? Umm... yeah- I'm in! I agree that this goes a little more cheesy than what I'd ideally like, but that's why this song is at #5. As I mentioned earlier, good Halloween songs are hard to find! And no, I'm not including "Addams Family Values" by MC Hammer on this list.

4) "Candyman Theme Song"



I'm unsure if the movie has affected my judgment on this one, but I can't hear the sprawling piano riff without thinking of Tony Todd getting buck-nasty with a rusty hook hand. If you've never seen the movie, this instrumental may seem a bit too happy, but the music does follow the movie in the sense that every time you think it's safe, it will take a turn towards scarier. Quite well done, in my own personal opinion.

3) "Thriller"



Say what you will about MJ's child-molesting ways, he sure can sing and dance in full zombie make up! Confusingly, he also turns into a werewolf earlier in the video, so I'm not quite sure what the point of the video is, but I've included the full 13+ minute version for you to review.

2) "Halloween Theme Song"



If you want to be creeped out solely based on a musical score, this has to be the pinnacle of Halloween instrumentals. The repetitive piano riff just keeps going while the underlying bass horns changes root notes. I assume this is the elevator music in hell.

1) "Ghostbusters"



If ya need a theme song, that sounds like a Huey Lewis song, who ya gonna call? Ray Parker, Jr.! Despite getting sued by Huey (and potentially The News as well) this song ranks as number 1. It blends cheesy with shades of minor keys to create the perfect Halloween song. I will admit that if the movie sucked, this song wouldn't be as good. However, since the movie is one of the best comedies of all time, the theme song is upgraded significantly. I even enjoyed the "Ghostbusters" cartoon when I was a kid! DON'T CROSS THE STREAMS!

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So that's the list I've come up with. What are your favorites? As usual, I probably missed some great songs, so suggestions in the comments for others to enjoy.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

My Predictions Are Trash

I decided to look over my preseason NFL picks and damn was that embarrassing.  My picks this year were just awful.  Here are some teams that I'd like to ask for their forgiveness:

- San Francisco 49ers: Holy shit-balls.  This team got good in a hurray.  I'm still not exactly sure what their true identity is, but they are beating other good teams (Eagles, Bucs, Lions) with a tough defense and a QB in Alex Smith that has led 3 game-winning drives this year.  Jim Harbaugh is fighting other coaches and conquering opposing teams without remorse.  I did not think they could execute this turnaround so quickly, but they did.

This magazine cover is beautiful.  Factually inaccuratet, but still beautiful.
- Buffalo Bills: G$ called this one and I laughed at him.  I did not understand how good Ryan Fitzpatrick really is and how much their team has improved since last year.  True, they did lose a close one to the Giants this past week, but they are a better team than the Jets.  I now think the Bills will make the playoffs.  Shocking stuff.

- Cincinnati Bengals: Is it true that the Bengals just traded Carson Palmer to the Raiders for two potential first round picks?!  Al Davis is working magic from the great beyond.  I initially believed the Bengals would go 0-16.  As it turns out, their defense is stout and Andy Daulton has been a serviceable starter.  Does it bother anyone that the Bengals seem to only draft ginger quarterbacks?  Maybe they like matching uniforms with their QB's beard stubble.  In any case, well done Bengals.  I didn't see it coming.

Ginger regret.
Teams that should be asking for my (or their fan base's) forgiveness:

- St. Louis Rams: "Two steps forward, two steps back, we're drafting 1 and Luck's our quarterback."  As fucking lame as it is for me to rewrite lyrics for Paula Abdul, it is even more fucking lame that this team is reaching a new level of futility.  They thought they were on their way to dominating the horrid NFC West.  Instead, they are now the worst of the bunch and the 49ers are suddenly very solid.  They thought they had their franchise QB, but if they draft #1, they pretty much have to take Andrew Luck and trade Sam Bradford.  Wouldn't that be interesting?  Point is, the Rams are wretched and will probably move back to LA.

2.4 seconds before the carton rape.
- Philadelphia Eagles: They could still make noise, but I bought into the hype with everyone else.  They are a flawed team with many weaknesses.  I hope they lose out.  They won't, but a blogger can dream, right?

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Predicting the NFL is difficult.  This year, my predictions are an embarrassment to my future-telling skills.  Just garbage.

Monday, October 17, 2011

NFL Week 6

Holy testicle Tuesday that was a fun week!  Coach fights, coach injuries, and Sexy Rexy getting benched?!  There are quite a bit of talking points to get to, so let's dive in:

- I don't know who's right or wrong, but I DO know that Jim Harbaugh would win in a fight between him and Jim Schwartz.  I know Schwartz is hilarious and motivating, but I'm certain Jim Harbaugh would beat the taste out of Schwartz's mouth, kick him in the stomach, and deliver a Stone Cold Stunner. 

Pictured: Jim Schwartz getting stunnered.
Harbaugh has taken Mike Singletary's 49er roster and created a winner.  It is so unfathomable, I have no idea how to explain it, but just know that I cannot act like I'm not impressed. 

It's the pleats... of the pants...
- Sexy Rexy... not sexy at all.  I actually started Rex in my Yahoo! league where my team is terrible and Phillip Rivers was on a bye.  This did NOT yield great results.  It was about as successful every move the characters from "Walking Dead" that involved trying to protect the kids of the group.  I will certainly lose in that fantasy league and the Sex Cannon will certainly lose his job in real life.  Mike Shanahan is as loyal to his quarterbacks as John Gruden.  That is to say, he's not. 

- Sean Payton sustains a torn MCL and broken tibia!  Unreal.  I know he was trying to be tough, but damn dude, get out of the way.  Everyone could see the play was headed right for ya!  Which is worse, a dumb highlight that is shown a couple times of you getting out of the way, or straight up breaking your leg?  There is no shame in a coach moving out of the Sean.  P.S., c'mon Drew Brees- you gots to get that ball in the end zone! 

- And on to da Bears!  They made the Vikings look like a JV high school team because frankly, outside of Jared Allen and Adrian Peterson, the Vikings are about as good as a JV high school team.  I'm sure the NFL was embarrassed overall (and apparently, so was Donovan McNabb's mom as she was seen leaving the game), but wow did that victory cleanse my brain from the stink of the game against the Lions.  I'll enjoy it today, but at 3-3, the Bears have to find a way to beat the Bucs in London on Sunday.  If they lose, it's right back to "do or die" time.  The O-Line did look much better against a stout Vikings rush attack.  Keep building on that effort... and by that, I mean don't listen to Mike Martz. 

Every time you kick to Devin Hester, you will see his ass as he runs by you.

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Fantasy Football Update:

MSFL:

Murder Panties 152 - Mr. Brownstone 96

Brownhole still has Brandon Marshall tonight, but supposedly he's getting kicked out before the 2nd quarter and won't be able to score the 60 points needed to beat me.  My team is coming on strong in this league.  Ahmad Bradshaw was the hero of the week. 

Cali Not Keepers:

Peppermill High Rollers 97 - Team CAN-AS-ASAP 96

I have no idea what the hell this guy's team name means, but I do know we were tied atop the league at 4-1.  The third 4-1 team lost as well and I escaped with a one point victory thanks in part to Devin Hester and the Bears' D.  Suck it.  My team is the best.  If you don't like it, then someone beat me. 

Family and Friends:

CORE 83.12 - Bros B 4 Shiancoes 97.32

I love it when people steal popular fantasy names that make their way around the web.  Oh well, I guess I can't talk because I started Rex Grossman for a whopping -2.28 points.  My team is an embarrassment.  I can't believe I actually missed Phillip Rivers' terrible play this week. 

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So there it is.  As bad as last night's game was, tonight's Monday Night game is worse.  I might do accounting homework instead of watching this dreadful game.  I also hate Mark Sanchez. 

Friday, October 14, 2011

Frederick P. Soft

I don't have much to write about today, but here's an interesting tidbit from the 49ers' organization.  Jim Harbaugh has created a character to represent not working hard or being soft.  The name?  Frederick P. Soft

Freddy Soft has been quite the topic on Bay Area sports talk radio.  Coaches have always yelled, "Don't be soft!" but it is interesting for a coach to develop a mythical character to embody being soft.  If the coach is yelling at you to not be soft, it is your fault.  If he is telling you to not listen to Freddy Soft, the act of being soft is not your fault, it just means you shouldn't be associating with a bad influence.  It's kind of like your parents telling you to not hang out with the obvious stoners in high school.  Guilt by association.  ("It's not Jimmy's fault he smokes weed- he just hangs out with a bad element!")

Is this the secret to the Niners' success this year?  I have no idea, but it is pretty damn funny.  Think of all the things you could blame on Freddy Soft.  Missed a block?  Freddy Soft.  Fumble the ball?  Freddy Soft.  Michael Crabtree misses another game or is unproductive due to injury and being an asshole.  Freddy Soft! 

This character has shifted the blame onto another entity which allows today's players to not give into their default attitude... which is, of course, soft.  With all the egos and hurt feelings in today's professional sports (and all levels, I suppose), inventing a character to blame for mental mistakes and laziness is an interesting tactic that so far seems to be working quite well.  Good for my man Jim Harbaugh!  I'm glad to see he's already more successful than the last ex-Bears player to coach the 49ers. 

So this weekend, while you are doing yard work, cleaning the house, or drinking, don't give in to Freddy Soft.  Be tough and go all the way!

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Theo Epstein: The Messiah

He's Jewish. He breaks curses. He's soft spoken and extremely intelligent. I'm sold. He's the second coming of Jesus.

In all seriousness, how could I not be excited about the Cubs nabbing Theo Epstein as their new GM. They went from old school Jim Hendry who was running the club into the ground, to a young and proven GM that has already broken the other major "curse" in baseball.

I type "curse" because I don't believe in curses. What I do believe in is the massive amount of pressure a fan base puts on its players to win a World Series after a long drought.  The Cubs were cruising in 2003 past the Marlins, and while I don't blame Steve Bartman at all, I do think that play and Moises Alou's reaction to it woke the team up out of autopilot.  All of a sudden, they tightened up, sure-handed Alex Gonzales made an error, the unflappable Mark Prior began hanging his normally nasty curveballs, and the team crumbled under the fans' dread.

DYK- Theo shreds on the gee-tar! 
Theo brings hope.  He's been through it before.  He's seen a previously "cursed" team win not just one, but two World Series.  Players can take comfort in the fact that their GM has been there, done that before.

But of course, that's not solving the majority of the problems at the Friendly Confines.  Epstein brings a vast knowledge of the game, expertise on how to set up a deep farm system, and he has hopefully learned his lesson with signing people like John Lackey.  Never trust a player with no chin.

Or does he have three chins?  I can't tell.
Is Theo Epstein the right guy for the job?  Fuck yes, he is.  If he's not the right guy, who is?  Billy Beane?  Ned Colletti?  The Rays' GM?  A young gun on the rise?  No, none of them are a better option than Theo.  Theo's experience is perfect for this job.  On resume alone, I don't see another more qualified candidate for what they need to do in Chicago.

Does this mean the Cubs are guaranteed to win?  Not at all.  But there is a now a different feeling around the Cubs that certainly hasn't been there since 2008, and maybe even before that time.  It's a feeling that us Cub fans aren't totally accustomed to- legitimate hope.  This shouldn't be a "maybe next year" type attitude any longer.  The attitude now is, let's build something from the ground up and create a system that sustains itself.  The entire Cubs' system needs to be re-vamped to make the franchise respectable, and I believe that Theo Epstein is the man to do it. 

Now... how to unload that rotten motherfucker Carlos Zambrano... hmm...

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

No Post Today

I've pretty much been rotating taking one day off a week.  Bare with me as I juggle my schedule. 

Highlight of the day yesterday... I got a haircut.  I no longer look like a hobo. 

Runner up highlight... I bought "Transformers: Dark Of The Moon" on DVD/Blu Ray.  The movie is terrible and awesome at the same time.  I feel similar toward giant transforming robots as I do toward light sabers. 

And to close, enjoy this 80's one-hit wonder Falco:

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

A Farewell Letter To The Chicago Bears

Dear Chicago Bears,

Fuck you.  You've ruined this NFL season.  You now sit at 2-3 and have two teams, in your division perched at 5-0 (and both of them have already beaten you.)  This is a disaster.  Do you know what the crazy thing is?  I fucking love a lot of the players.

True, Jay Cutler has his quirks, but who gives a fuck?  Body language or dating a girl on Dancing With The Stars has no bearing on his ability to throw the ball- and that, he does quite well.  So well, in fact, that he's likely the best Bears QB of my lifetime.  I probably said that before, but it is true.

MATT FORTE is unreal.  The guy is the best player on the team, yet the Bears won't pay him.  What in holy hell are they doing?  They should back up a Brinks truck to his house, then later deliver him the maximum amount of Amish Electric Fireplaces by horse and carriage!



"How do you combine Amish craftsmanship with modern technology?  The Amish aren't telling!"

Seriously.  Pay Matt Forte.  Do it.  Let the man stay in Chicago and play Running Back!!!

I sort of like their receivers.  Not enough to not want them to find better ones, but Johnny Knox is explosive and under utilized.  Earl Bennet is injured.  Dane Sanzenbacher looks to be solid once he finishes going through puberty.  Add an explosive #1 to that group, and you might have something... that is... unless...

THE OFFENSE LINE IS FUCKING AWFUL.  Frank Omiyale looks like he shits himself every time he has to get out of his crouch to block a guy.  He might as well be 75 years old using a walker that as tennis balls placed on the bottom of each spoke.  Figure it the fuck out, Bears.  PS: Why did you trade Greg Olsen?  Kellen Davis sucks. 

I love me some Brian Urlacher, Lance Briggs, and Julius Peppers.  However, Briggs complains about money every other year and the Bears have other pressing matters to attend to (see the aforementioned Matt Forte.)  The Bears' secondary is saint-like (read as: HOLE-Y.)  There clearly are issues for a team that is supposed to be defensive minded. 

I'm guessing that when the team over-achieved last year (which was awesome), GM Jerry Angelo said, "Eh, we're not that bad!"  And then he didn't do shit (besides trade away an explosive offensive weapon in Greg Olsen for a 32nd round draft pick.) 

Don't do this, Bears.  I don't know how good the Blackhawks are, and it looks like the Bulls' season will be canceled.  Don't tank this season.  I need to see something next week on Sunday night. 

Ouch.  Vikings vs. Bears... what a ratings monster that will be.

Sincerely, your fan,

Prime 99

Monday, October 10, 2011

NFL Week 5

In a raspy voice, "The Raiders... the Raiders will win!"

And they did.  This win was surely dedicated to this man who meant so much to a proud franchise:

"Commitment to BRAAAAAAINS!"
It's an odd thing.  For YEARS I've heard friends of mine who are Raider fans (I only allow a maximum of 3 Raider fans a time to be my friends) say, "We just have to wait until Al Davis dies- then we will be good again!"  Then oddly, the Raiders finish 8-8 last year and look decent this year, and all of a sudden, it is a tragedy when Big Al dies.  I suppose it makes sense.  Death usually gives the deceased a bump in public opinion.  I will say that the Raiders came up HUGE with a win in Texas this weekend, so that is definitely a positive boost for the mourning fan base. 

Let's look at some other highlights/lowlights before getting to the weekly fantasy football update:

- Holy 49ers, Batman!  As my friend and occasional commenter Dick Tracy said, "That was a dick-stomping!"  And he's right.  The Niners looked as good as I've seen in years.  I am a huge Josh Freeman and Bucs hater (though that came back to bite me last week in fantasy) so I'm not going to sit here and say the Niners are "elite."  However, they looked damn good on offense and defense, not to mention they have Ted Ginn, Jr. returning kicks/punts.  Jim Harbaugh is building his team correctly. 

- Tim Te-boner got in the game to replace the bearded Kyle Orton.  He ran around in circles only to lead a comeback against the Chargers.  While the Broncos ultimately fell short, I can't imagine that John Fox does not stick with Tebow for the rest of the year.  He allowed fan chants to get Tebow in the game, so he has to stick with Football Jesus.  Orton weakly clapping on the sideline after Tebow led a touchdown drive shows that Orton knows he's finished in Denver (and probably as a starter in the NFL.)  At least he can make money holding a clip board.  I'd do it, if they'd let me. 

- I love Drew Brees.  The Saints look so-so and still pull out the win against Cam Newton and the Panthers.  Not only that, the Saints even tried to start a fight!  I agree that Steve Smith was dogging it into the end zone to rub it in, but Roman Harper should know better than to hit Smith in the end zone well after Smith crossed the goal line.  There are plenty of basketball players I wish I could've laid a cheap shot on in high school, however, I was smart enough to do it legally during game action while the refs weren't watching. 

- The Eagles are falling apart worse than Al Davis' corpse.  I have no idea how or why, but the Eagles are inexplicably 1-4.  Michael Vick is still dangerous, but he is prone to injury and stupidity.  His O-Line is certainly not helping him out.  The Nightmare Team needs to figure some shit out quickly.  Hopefully they don't because they play the Bears in a month. 

- The Packers are scary.  Just when you think a decent Falcons team has them in a bad spot at 14-0, their defense cracks down and Aaron Rodgers leads a comeback.  I hate the Packers.  To me, they are the AIDS of the NFL.  However, Aaron Rodgers is probably the best QB in the game. 

Ok, fantasy time... let's go in reverse order of quality:

Family and Friends:

CORE 71.90 - BossHogg 74.16

My team is terrible.  Phillip Rivers probably lives under the boardwalk at the Jersey Shore.  The only way I win is at the expense of the Bears.  I have Javid Best left and he has Matt Forte and Bears D.  I hope I lose by a wide margin. 

MSFL:

Murder Panties 146 - The Million Dollar Men 114

This is quickly becoming my favorite league.  I really care about beating a group of people that I either don't know, or haven't seen in over 20 years.  The exception, of course, is my opponent this week- G$.  Previously undefeated, G$ put up a good fight with a great Kevin Walters pick up, but the Bye Week was too much to overcome (he only had MJD as an active RB from his normal roster.)  The Bye Week even swung things to my advantage because I started Pierre Garcon instead of my normal play of Santana Moss.  30 points for a Colt!  Unheard of this year. The match is over, but I still have Robbie Gould tonight. 

Not Cali Keepers:

Peppermill High Rollers 83 - Indy Bound 76

I remained dominant this week.  He has no one left and I have Forte, Best, and the Lions or Bears D to go tonight.  I highly doubt his team name prediction will come true.  He started Mark Sanchez this week, so I'm going to predict that that move disqualifies him right there.  I'll probably start the Bears D, since I have Forte and Best to pad the lead if the game goes in a bad direction. I will listen to advice if I should just bench both defenses though. 

---

I'm so ready for tonight.  This should be a fun game.  I'm happy for the Lions to be getting back to respectability, but they are only a few weeks (or possibly hours) away from me hating their guts.  Go Bears!

Friday, October 7, 2011

Wild Generalizations That I'm Unqualified To Make

While in accounting class last night, I turned on my MLB At-Bat app on my iPhone (RIP, Steve.) I watched the internet updates for the 7th - 9th innings. You know what my take away is from watching those?

A-ROD IS TERRIBLE.

Seriously. He's the highest paid guy in the league. He failed in the 7th with the bases loaded and struck out to end the game. Yikes. $27 mil a year for a mental midget? A-no-thank-you. I'd be interested to hear G$'s take on this. As a Yankees fan, you cannot be happy about A-Rod. I will agree that he played well in 2009 and that helped the Bombers win the Series. As A-Rod goes, the Yankees go- and that cannot be comforting for Yankee fans.

It hurts so good...
Ivan Nova was put in a tough spot. It is hard to blame a rookie for folding up a bit at Yankee Stadium during a deciding Game 5. I think Nova will be solid for years to come as long as he doesn't pull a Rich Hill. Yeah, I brought Rich Hill into this rambling- wanna fight about it?

On to other baseball notes, I'm paying more attention to the Cubs possibly acquiring Theo Epstein than I did for the last 3 months of Cubs' season. Do I want Theo to be the Cubs GM? Pretty much. I'm not totally sold on him, but he did give the Red Sox a solid infrastructure. He certainly knows how to balance big spending with developing talent. He also knows about breaking "curses." I wouldn't be mad if the Cubs also looked at some young, qualified assistant GM's around the league. However, if they ultimately get Epstein, I'll be excited to see what he can do to turn the Cubs' fortune around.

Chris Carpenter vs. Roy Halladay

What a touching story about two former Blue Jays who were best friends and discussed pitching techniques early in their career. Now they face each other in a deciding Game 5! What are the odds?!? Well, pretty good actually. They are both #1 starters on two of the best teams in the NL. It stands to reason they would face off in the playoffs. Is it fun to compete against your friends? You bet your ass it is. One of them will have bragging rights forever. Unfortunately, I can't cheer for either team because I hate both of them.

I mildly like Arizona, but truthfully, I don't care about their Game 5.

Detroit vs. Texas is going to make House Party look like House Party 2! I'd rather drink magnesium citrate two hours before going to a fancy dinner party than watch this garbage.

And that's all the rambling I have left in me. Baseball is dead to me (until the Cubs win the offseason.) Have a great weekend and here's a message to The Million Dollar Men... I'm coming for ya.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

90s Rock: Best Songs (Part 4)

And finally, continuing on from last week, here are my last group of favorite 90s songs.  There really are too many songs that are awesome.  My list is probably hobo excrement.  Oh well, it has been fun anyway. 

16) "Photograph" by The Verve Pipe

I went through a phase where I listened to TONS of The Verve Pipe.  They are an excellent band.  They are not in my Top 10 favorite bands of all time, or anything, but they have an underrated catalog.  Much like this song.  "Photograph" was the first song I ever remember hearing by them.  Of course, they later found more notoriety with "The Freshmen" but the sick organ track that underpins this song is not to be denied.  Give it a listen if you don't recall this song. 

"Cup Of Tea" is also another underrated song by The Verve Pipe.



17) "Lakini's Juice" by Live

There is no arguing that "Throwing Copper" is Live's best record. However, my favorite overall song by Live is "Lakini's Juice." If you can't tell by now, I am a huge fan of dirty, deep guitar riffs. The distorted bass creeps into your ears like a burrowing earwig. It also uses excellent subtle placement of string arrangements. You can't go wrong here.



18) "Still Remains" by Stone Temple Pilots

The only band with two songs on the list. I just couldn't leave this one off. It makes the list with the following line alone: "Take a bath, I'll drink the water that you leave." It's pretty gross, twisted love song- and I love it.



19) "Little Things" by Bush

My band in high school used to rock the shit out of this song in our garages. One of our favorites to cover, "Little Things" is simple yet rocking. Why Bush didn't take the music industry by the throat and skull-fuck it, I'll never understand. "Sixteen Stone" is amazing. The rest of their catalog... just ok. This song deserves a spot on the list though.

What's that? You want shirtless Gavin Rossdale from Woodstock '99? Ok!



20) "Tomorrow" by Silverchair

Silverchair deserves a spot on the list. This is their first hit single in the US and probably their catchiest song (at least from their early catalog.) This song is most impressive given that it was written, performed and recorded by 14/15 year olds. Daniel Johns sings like a 40 year old. It is a solid song to round out the Top 20.



And so ends my Top 20. I should do this again in 3 months and I bet I'd get a different list. Enjoy all the Game 5's coming up, they should be fairly entertaining.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

No Post Today

This is one of the busiest weeks I've encountered during my life, in general.  If the posts are lacking, I apologize.  I would have much rather watched the MLB playoffs yesterday than do what I was actually doing.  Now, I'm debating listening to Danzig all day and getting in a few fist fights. 

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Ain't Nothin' Like A Good Ol' Fashioned Hitler Comparison

Well, I lost in the MSFL due to the best game Josh Freeman will ever play.  Think about this, if you and I were in a street fight, and I continually pounded you in the gut over and over and over and over, would you, at any point, decide to protect your stomach?  Would you try a different strategy?  I feel like the Colts allowed that center of the field screen pass far too often and those plays were the death of the Colts.  Nice work, fellas.  Way to be, by far, the worst team in the league.

So I had a 1-2 Fantasy Football week, but the Bears did escape with a win against the Carolina Laptop Thieves.  I suppose I did not have as bad a week as, say, this guy:

Monday Night Football decided to pull the usual Hank Williams, Jr. intro from the air because of comments he made earlier that day likening President Obama to Hitler.  And while I agree that he did NOT say, "Obama is like Hitler" or something exactly like that, as a public figure one should know better than to throw around the Hitler card.  It has the exact opposite value for your public image as a Ken Griffey, Jr. Upper Deck rookie card.

Look, we are not debating politics on this site.  It is the last thing on Earth that I want to do and this is coming from a guy who regularly plays "Don't Stop Believing" on acoustic guitar, in public, for money.  The debate is not about whether or not Hank, Jr. should be allowed to make whatever comments he wants, he should be able to do whatever he wants.  However, ESPN is also allowed to do what they want, and they have the freedom to pull his intro from MNF if they want.

I was listening to Colin Cowherd on this issue, and he actually said something smart and worthwhile!  Good for him!  He pointed out that people of the extreme right who are crying out for "free speech" may want to think back a few years ago on how angry they were toward a different group of Country singers- The Dixie Chicks.

Outside of their current natural habitat.
The Dixie Chicks made some comments that reflected their poor opinion of George W. Bush and Conservatives destroyed them.  Seriously, think about the last time you've heard a Dixie Chicks song.  I can't think of it, because I literally think they were wiped off the face of the Earth.  I suppose they bit the hand that fed them because Country music has more ties to the Republican right, but I digress.  The lack of consistency is the problem.  Both sides of the political spectrum should be held accountable when saying extreme, outlandish, or offensive things through the mass media.  As a public figure, you should not the hot buttons that you should never press.  Hint: Hitler is one of them.

Freedom of speech is a great 1st amendment.  No bullshit.  I love using it here on this site to make crude jokes that are in no way serious.  However, I'm not famous.  In fact, I've tried to make myself anonymous to avoid repercussions of my sarcasm.  Hank, Jr. is a public figure and while he can call Obama "Hitler," "Judas," or "Darth Vader" in the comfort of his own home, I'm guessing that it is not smart to make a remote comparison on a national television show.

Pictured: Barak Obama
People often wonder why Michael Jordan or Tiger Woods worked so hard to stay away from political issues.  Here, my friends, is a perfect example of why they were awfully smart to keep the ball in the middle of the fairway.  When you make political or offensive statements one way as a public figure, the other side will take issue and the repercussions could be serious.

This conversation with myself was boring and stuffy.  Anyone know any good dead baby jokes?

Monday, October 3, 2011

NFL Week 4

That was quite the interesting week of football (but aren't they all?)  A few impressions before moving on to the Fantasy Football update:

- This site always starts with the Bears.  What a frustrating game.  Granted, I didn't watch any of it besides highlights and internet updates, but I followed the updates play by play.  At one point, I was scared shitless that the Bears were going to get an INT for a TD, a punt return for a TD, AND well over 100 yards of rushing from Matt Forte and still lose.  Luckily, Forte's grand finale of earning over 200 yards sealed the game away.  However, Cam Newton embarrassed the Bears' D.  He sliced them up like a hot knife through a street whore.  That garbage TD to Greg Olsen at the end of the game was murder fantasy-wise.  Ugh.  At least they got the win, though.  With the Packers and Lions both advancing to 4-0, the season was pretty much over right there if they had blown this game.

- The San Francisco 49ers!!!  WTF?!  They certainly do not win pretty, but their defense buckled down, held off the Eagles and the Niners were able to muster enough offense to win.  Someone in one of my fantasy leagues started Alex Smith!  He is going to win and I believe that no one should be rewarded for such idiocy.  Anyway, the two-headed beast of Gore and Hunter have put the Niners in first place of the NFC West by 2 games!  They also sent the "Dream Team" to 1-3.  [Insert Nelson's laugh from "The Simpsons."]


- The Buffalo Bills are still pretty badass.  They got caught in a trap game.  I hope they are able to rebound.  They are more likable than Wheelchair Cat.

"Give me the bag bitch, or I will cut you!"
- Drew Brees and New Orleans Saints got the win on Sunday.  However, they left far too many points on the field.  In Breesus I trust, but c'mon Drew!  Let's take the bull by the horns.

"It's a metaphor... but that actually happened."
- I want to fight the Ravens.  All of them.  The Jets got absolutely drilled on Sunday night.  Unfortunately, fantasy-wise, the Jets' D was able to score more fucking points than the Jets scored actual points.  Simply disgusting.  If I lose this week, I blame the Ravens for winning one of the most gutless performances I've ever seen for a team scoring 34 points and winning.

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MSFL:

Murder Panties 153 - Your Mom 141

My previous rant was about this exact sitch.  I'm now up 12, with no one left to go.  Money Shot commenter Li'l Strut still has Josh Freeman.  I am cheering for Dwight Freeney to give Josh Freeman two charlie horses, an Indian burn, a pink belly, and dislocated knee cap during the Bucs' first possession on MNF.  The over/under on highlights from that MNF game a few years ago where Peyton Manning engineered a re-donk-u-lous comeback to defeat a John Gruden-led Bucs team is at 547.  I'm sure Chucky will have plenty of stupid things to say about that game. 

Cali Not Keepers:

Peppermill High Rollers 119 - Balls On Chin 71

After a disappointing loss last week, the High Rollers rebound to turn another team's team name against them (that's right, my balls are on their chin!)  Unless Reggie Wayne scores 49 points, I will reclaim my seat atop the league.  Seriously, I have the best team in this league.

Family and Friends:

CORE 98.68 - Razzle Dazzle 142.12

I've pretty much given up in this league.  I made some poor drafting decisions.  I need to make some trades and see if anything pans out.  Phillip Rivers can put his own balls on his chin.  To add insult to injury, I have no one left and Razzle Dazzle still has Joseph Addai.  Aaron Rodgers is scary as fuck and I don't appreciate getting dominated like that.

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Alright Josh Freeman- tank it for me.  Let your RB's take over.  Hell, score 11 points- that's cool.  But not 12.  Score 12 and you will get at least a fist wag from yours truly.  Also, a big shout out to my wife as it is our two-year anniversary.  It feels like we've been married FOREVER... in a good way!