Admit it. You loved NBC's "The More You Know" commercials. You probably also loved drug use PSAs, closing episode "...and knowing is half the battle!" G.I. Joe clips, and more than likely you love also snuff films. This is the attempt to combine all of those glorious forms of media into a blog post. The premise will more than likely be as thin as the front of LeBron's hairline.
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Guns: If you find your parents' gun in the house and you think it would be fun to play with, well- you're probably right. It would be hilarious fun! However, playing with guns without proper training is dangerous and will only be tolerated after the "real" Rapture... now occurring in October.*
*The Rapture may be reschedule to 2012 to coincide with Mayan predictions or some later date depending on Family Radio's financial needs at any given time.
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Solar Flares: Sure, solar flares might look cool through NASA powered cameras, but they could legitimately knock out the world's communication networks sending society into an upheaval. Riots and confusion would follow. Free merchandise and no work?! Sign me up!*
*I clearly don't have the survival skills to make it through this chaos. Much like a game of PE dodgeball back in 3rd grade- I'd be the first one out.
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Celebrities: There's really no reason to be nervous around celebrities. They are people just like you and me. Normal, successful, rich people who are perfectly well adjusted to life in the public eye.
Or not?
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Ke$ha: To my future hypothetical daughter- I'm just hoping Ke$ha is not around by the time you are old enough to understand and listen to music because it will make that much easier to not have to ban you from listening/dancing to/imitating her. She is a dirty, dirty skank.*
*Parents: Keep your daughters off the pole.
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Cheating: High school is high school. College is college. But Spanish class will always be Spanish class no matter when you take it.*
*That's right- it's ALWAYS ok to cheat in foreign language class!
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Excessive Lifestyle: Moderation is the key to a healthy life. Everything is ok when done in moderation. Well, maybe not everything. Rape, robbery, murder and rape* are all things that probably aren't good to partake in at any level.
*"Did you say "rape" twice?" Yes, I did. I like rape.**
**"Did you just steal a joke from 'Blazing Saddles?'" Yes, I did. I don't actually like rape of any kind. I wish my personal opinion would have been shared by Kobe and Ben Roethlisberger!
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I hope these PSAs were educational and helpful. The more you know...
7 comments:
Prime
I need another good blog to read, you better make this shit good so we can get some good conversations like the Moneyshot.
NW
I'm not quite sure I can live up to that expectation NW. I mean, unless Drew comes to this site and professes his undying butt love to Terrell Pryor. Then maybe- just maybe, we can get the ball rolling.
Don't worry about Kesha. I'm currently suing her for unlawful usage of the dollar sign in her name. THAT'S MY THING!
If you're going to steal a joke, Blazing Saddles is an excellent movie to steal them from. I can't count the number of times I've wanted to use Gene Wilder's line:
"You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know... morons."
You can change farmers to just about anything and it still rings true.
Better change my name altogether. Blogs that run on a healthy diet of mysogyny and rape jokes require an extra level of anonymity.
G$ - She know what she was doing when she stole your $ and I hope she gets what she deserves.
Dread - Where the white women at?!
I can only hope to work in more rape and/or dead baby jokes. On the fence about AIDS jokes... ok- bring those along as well!
AIDS jokes are always good fun, but dead baby jokes are the best.
NW
What's the best way to put a baby in a bowl?
A blender.
What's the best way to take a baby out of a bowl?
Tostitos.
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