Admit it. You loved NBC's "The More You Know" commercials. You probably also loved drug use PSAs, closing episode "...and knowing is half the battle!" G.I. Joe clips, and more than likely you love also snuff films. This is the attempt to combine all of those glorious forms of media into a blog post. The premise will more than likely be as thin as the front of LeBron's hairline.
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Boston Sports Fans: The next time you see a group of middle aged Caucasian guys looking like slobs and wearing any combination of Red Sox, Patriots, Celtics and Bruins gear, just turn and find another way to get to your destination. Having at least one championship from each of these team in the last decade has made Boston sports fans braggadocios douche bags.*
*And ugly as well- but I don't think that has anything to do with the championships.
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Brian Wilson's Beard: B-Weezy's beard is now officially out of control. If you were to meet him, he would also have to introduce you to his beard because it is a separate entity. It's only a matter of time before it takes over his brain and controls his every action. It's either that, or it walks away, takes its talents to Souf Beach and closes for the Marlins.*
*Thanks Leo Nunez for blowing the win for Anibal "The Cannibal" last night. You are a piece of shit and I bet the Weez's beard could've closed it out.
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Anthony Weiner: Don't ever elect a politician with the last name Weiner. Politicians don't have the most stellar reputation when it comes to sexual scandals- they fall just below the women in LeBron James' life and the 2005 Minnesota Vikings on the scale of promiscuity. You pretty much have to know what you're getting when you elect someone named Weiner.*
*The Governator would like to send Weiner a thank you card and a gift basket full of lube and Barely Legal mags to terminating Arnold's name from the front page.
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Rolling In The Deep: Really cool song, but I now have to change the channel every time it comes on the radio to prevent the overexposure from taking over and making me hate that fucking Adele song.* See? It's already started! Don't let it happen to you as well!
*It's unavoidable. Radio will destroy cool songs that happen to appeal to the masses. I can still barely listen to "Glycerine" by Bush.
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Ryan Reynolds: C'mon Ryan! You're better than this. This PSA is directly addressing your shitty movie choices lately. With "Green Lantern" getting torn apart by even geeky movie reviewers, there is zero chance I'm going to see it. Get your shit together and make the "Dead Pool" movie* that comic nerds deserve. It's either that, or another Van Wilder- your choice mofo.
*A mouthy mercenary? Seems right up Reynolds' alley. And by alley, I mean poop shoot.
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3 comments:
I would beg to differ that Ryan Reynolds is better than anything.
Luongo sucks. The riots in Vancouver though were tremendous.
If you think the Vancouver riots are rad, then check out this pic:
http://i.huffpost.com/gadgets/slideshows/29808/slide_29808_293133_huge.jpg
Now THAT is awesome!
What isn't surprising is that Anthony Weiner fulfilled the expectations promised by his phallic last name, but what is surprising is that John Boehner or mother fucking Dick Armstrong haven't. These men should be considered a ticking time bomb. Hot young coeds should stay far away from them if they value their virgin eyes.
Also, I really hope a certain California representative pulls this stunt, so we can all start calling him Tom McClintcock.
Moving on, it seems like comic book movies have become too successful for their own good. You used to be able to count on a comic book movie being a cheesy, terrible cash cow, but somewhere around Spiderman and X-Men they figured out that making a good fucking movie makes more money. Now that people actually expect comic book movies to be good, they've gone back to phoning in a shit movie for a quick buck.
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