Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Misplaced NFL Players

Doesn't it feel like there are certain NFL players who don't really fit with the team they are on?  If you could rearrange rosters, are there any players you feel would be better fits on other teams?  I'm sure there are.  Short of putting all the best players on your favorite team, which players would be better matched on other rosters?  I came up with a few jackholes that would be able to be themselves on other teams:

5. Albert Haynesworth - Wait a tick!  You mean this guy was not a good/great fit on the Redskins?!  He has a bad attitude, he's over paid, and he spikes Cowboys in the face with his cleat?!?

Cleats go with Cowboy face like peanut butter and jelly.
This makes no sense.  Daniel Snyder loves players of Haynesworth's ilk.  In no way should he be going to Belichick's Holyland.  He had already found his true fit as a member of the Washington Redskins.  Him leaving D.C. is tragic. 

4. Michael Vick - Do you really think Ron Mexico is all that remorseful?  He gets out of prison and immediately gets to sit behind Donovan McNabb in a quarterback-friendly system.  After usurping McNabb and Kevin Kolb a year later, Vick is back to being a smarter version of his former exciting self, albeit in an even more dynamic system with great coaches and a great roster.  You know what I want to see- Vick on the Cleveland Browns.  I want this for two reasons.  A) Their fans represent "the dog pound" which would be hilarious and create many dog fighting jokes.

Now here are some dogs that should be put in a fighting ring.
B) If you want someone to learn from their mistakes, put them on the Cleveland Browns.  Vick may even believe that he was better off in prison!  This would be fair and just penance. 

3. Aaron Rodgers - Get this man out of the NFC North!!!  Remember back in 2005 when the San Francisco 49ers drafted Alex Smith #1 overall?  That's right folks- the 49ers opted for a San Diego kid that played college ball in Utah instead of a Norther California born QB from Chico who played right across the Bay Bridge at Cal and had natural QB instincts rather than being a product of Urban Meyer's system.  Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb.  I literally think they took a peek at Kyle Boller and said, "Well, he went to Cal also and didn't really work for the Ravens, so obviously we cannot take Aaron Rodger- a completely different player who came up in the clutch and beat USC."  Yikes.  The Niners' brass has not had a great decade.  Rodgers belongs with the Niners if for no other reason than I do not enjoy the Bears playing against him twice (three times?!) a year. 

Drink in another year of Alex Smith, Niner fans.
2. Cedric Benson - Ced Benson should not be on the Bears, Bengals, or any other goddamn NFL team (though he's a great fit on the Bengals with his record of arrests.)  So where does he belong?

Right fucking here
That's right.  He belongs in prison playing for the convicts from "The Longest Yard."  At least Michael Vick actually went to prison already and paid for his crimes.  Benson keeps getting arrested and he keeps getting out of jail time.  The system is enabling this guy to never learn a lesson- i.e. it protects his butthole.  Someone needs to teach Benson a lesson by finally catching him with weight- cl-clank-clank!

1. James Harrison - This guy is famous for late hits, roughing quarterbacks, and calling Roger Goodell "the devil."  Does this guy really sound like a Pittsburgh Steeler at heart?  Sure, he plays a part in their stout defense, but I know another place where James Harrison would fit right in...

Raider Nation.
It's not even close.  James Harrison should be a Raider.  Al Davis and Co. would have his back each time he did or said anything idiotic.  Fans would revel in Harrison's cheap shots and it would set up a beautiful ecosystem of enabling.  This scenario would turn James Harrison's Sherdder into Raider James Harrison's Super-Shredder!

Played by Kevin Nash!

So there they are.  The mismatched players that would be better served on new rosters.  Bring your own to the table in the comments.

4 comments:

GMoney said...

I'm glad that you mentioned it because I was going to be all over the "Kevin Nash was Super Shredder" thing.

Can you really blame the Niners though? I mean, how can you draft a guy at #1 that was Kyle Boller's backup? Boller might be the worst QB in NFL history. I don't even think that that is a stretch.

I just picked up Strasburg and finally sent Pedro Alvarez packing. They say he'll be up in September...just what I need come playoff time.

OH! Another deal that I snuck in under the radar this week.

I gave up Andrew McCutchen and Pineda for Brian "CM Punk" Wilson and Jon Lester. I figured that now was the time to jump off the Pirates ship since he has hit under .200 over the last 30 days. Plus, I was able to pluck Maybin and Des Jennings of the wire for some depth. Pineda has been terrible since the ASG. Lester gives me another ace (with Verlander) and Got HEEEEEEEM helps my rather putrid stable of closers of Storen, Nathan, and Inglourious Bastardo (who I can now cut for Strasburg in that league as well). I feel good about that deal.

Prime99 said...

G$ - Is our football league going to be as stupid as your baseball league? Who in the world makes these trades with you? I agree this helps your team, but in no way should you ever trade a Pirate and a Mariner for a Giant and a Red Sox. This person must owe you a substantial amount of money and he gave you Lester and Wilson in exchange for not cutting off two toes. Am I correct?

Boller is awful. I just think the Niners used Boller's performance to judge Rodgers- which is dumb because they are two different players who should be judged individually.

The point is probably moot because Rodgers would have sucked on the Niners. He is awesome because of how he developed. The Niners would have ruined him.

Observer said...

I think every player with legal trouble, attitude problems, and/or poor sportsmanship should be on the Raiders. Which means just about every professional football player should be on the Raiders. I'd love to see Brett Favre in Silver and Black, just so people won't be surprised by his next addiction or sex scandal.

I had a guy keep trying to sell me Pineda. I get that he's good, but he's overhyped and on an innings limit. Good to ditch him now.

GMoney said...

Ha, fortunately, the guy I dealt with already had 4 pretty good closers (you can start 3) so giving up Wilson didn't hurt him much. And if I recall, his OF was brutal. So it's not as terrible as you may think.