Stop Animal Cruelty!

I am all for stopping animal cruelty, but this post is about Michael Vick's inability to bring harm to a certain group large mammals that inhabit the Lake Michigan area... da Bearsss.  Vick may have been a dogkiller, but he's had trouble against the Bears during his career.  This Monday Nighter was no exception. 

Last night's game was, from my perspective, the best game I've watched all year.  It was prime time, my team was involved, it was close, there was a lot of back and forth, excellent plays on both sides, horrible mistakes on both sides, and in the end the Bears came out with a win.  On the Jay Cutler Smirk-O-Meter, I give it a:

This is an excellent rating.

As a Bears fan, I am tickled pink (not in the Penn State way) that they were able to come up with such a huge win under the lights and on the road.  They may have a somewhat ugly style, but I believe the public can recognize that they are a good football team (whatever that  means.)  Am I stating that they are now the class of the NFC?  No.  Am I saying they will beat the Lions at home next week?  I hope so, but we'll have to see on that one.  Am I guaranteeing a playoff berth?  No necessarily, but I am now leaning toward three NFC North teams getting into the playoffs. 

Oh!  Also- a big shout out to DeSean Jackson!  He put up zero points to get Murder Panties a nice win in the MSFL.  What a piece of shit that guy is!  His attitude stinks worse my farts after a full night brats and German beer.  Even better than the Fantasy Football result, was DeSean's huge fumble on a punt that set the Bears up for a score.  Special teams (and average Michael Vick) lost the Eagles that game and I enjoyed every second. 

Unfortunately, the Peppermill High Rollers were not able to overcome the deficit.  Matt Forte's fumbles were huge during the game, and absolutely affected the result of this Fantasy match up.  His first fumble led to an Eagles touchdown which, since I had the Bears D also, was a 5 point swing.  Ugly.  I'm worried that the contract talk is getting to him... I hope I'm wrong, but you can see it start to creep in. 

Last, I'd like to commend the Bears Offensive Line.  They have been awful at times this year.  Just putrid.  However, last night, they allowed ZERO sacks to a stout Philly rush.  That deserves some serious props.  Keep that up fellas!

What a great game... FUCK YEAH!

Misplaced NFL Players

Doesn't it feel like there are certain NFL players who don't really fit with the team they are on?  If you could rearrange rosters, are there any players you feel would be better fits on other teams?  I'm sure there are.  Short of putting all the best players on your favorite team, which players would be better matched on other rosters?  I came up with a few jackholes that would be able to be themselves on other teams:

5. Albert Haynesworth - Wait a tick!  You mean this guy was not a good/great fit on the Redskins?!  He has a bad attitude, he's over paid, and he spikes Cowboys in the face with his cleat?!?

Cleats go with Cowboy face like peanut butter and jelly.

This makes no sense.  Daniel Snyder loves players of Haynesworth's ilk.  In no way should he be going to Belichick's Holyland.  He had already found his true fit as a member of the Washington Redskins.  Him leaving D.C. is tragic. 

4. Michael Vick - Do you really think Ron Mexico is all that remorseful?  He gets out of prison and immediately gets to sit behind Donovan McNabb in a quarterback-friendly system.  After usurping McNabb and Kevin Kolb a year later, Vick is back to being a smarter version of his former exciting self, albeit in an even more dynamic system with great coaches and a great roster.  You know what I want to see- Vick on the Cleveland Browns.  I want this for two reasons.  A) Their fans represent "the dog pound" which would be hilarious and create many dog fighting jokes.

Now here are some dogs that should be put in a fighting ring.

B) If you want someone to learn from their mistakes, put them on the Cleveland Browns.  Vick may even believe that he was better off in prison!  This would be fair and just penance. 

3. Aaron Rodgers - Get this man out of the NFC North!!!  Remember back in 2005 when the San Francisco 49ers drafted Alex Smith #1 overall?  That's right folks- the 49ers opted for a San Diego kid that played college ball in Utah instead of a Norther California born QB from Chico who played right across the Bay Bridge at Cal and had natural QB instincts rather than being a product of Urban Meyer's system.  Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb.  I literally think they took a peek at Kyle Boller and said, "Well, he went to Cal also and didn't really work for the Ravens, so obviously we cannot take Aaron Rodger- a completely different player who came up in the clutch and beat USC."  Yikes.  The Niners' brass has not had a great decade.  Rodgers belongs with the Niners if for no other reason than I do not enjoy the Bears playing against him twice (three times?!) a year. 

Drink in another year of Alex Smith, Niner fans.

2. Cedric Benson - Ced Benson should not be on the Bears, Bengals, or any other goddamn NFL team (though he's a great fit on the Bengals with his record of arrests.)  So where does he belong?

Right fucking here

That's right.  He belongs in prison playing for the convicts from "The Longest Yard."  At least Michael Vick actually went to prison already and paid for his crimes.  Benson keeps getting arrested and he keeps getting out of jail time.  The system is enabling this guy to never learn a lesson- i.e. it protects his butthole.  Someone needs to teach Benson a lesson by finally catching him with weight- cl-clank-clank!

1. James Harrison - This guy is famous for late hits, roughing quarterbacks, and calling Roger Goodell "the devil."  Does this guy really sound like a Pittsburgh Steeler at heart?  Sure, he plays a part in their stout defense, but I know another place where James Harrison would fit right in...

Raider Nation.

It's not even close.  James Harrison should be a Raider.  Al Davis and Co. would have his back each time he did or said anything idiotic.  Fans would revel in Harrison's cheap shots and it would set up a beautiful ecosystem of enabling.  This scenario would turn James Harrison's Sherdder into Raider James Harrison's Super-Shredder!

Played by Kevin Nash!

So there they are.  The mismatched players that would be better served on new rosters.  Bring your own to the table in the comments.