Dear Chicago Bears,
Fuck you. You've ruined this NFL season. You now sit at 2-3 and have two teams, in your division perched at 5-0 (and both of them have already beaten you.) This is a disaster. Do you know what the crazy thing is? I fucking love a lot of the players.
True, Jay Cutler has his quirks, but who gives a fuck? Body language or dating a girl on Dancing With The Stars has no bearing on his ability to throw the ball- and that, he does quite well. So well, in fact, that he's likely the best Bears QB of my lifetime. I probably said that before, but it is true.
MATT FORTE is unreal. The guy is the best player on the team, yet the Bears won't pay him. What in holy hell are they doing? They should back up a Brinks truck to his house, then later deliver him the maximum amount of Amish Electric Fireplaces by horse and carriage!
"How do you combine Amish craftsmanship with modern technology? The Amish aren't telling!"
Seriously. Pay Matt Forte. Do it. Let the man stay in Chicago and play Running Back!!!
I sort of like their receivers. Not enough to not want them to find better ones, but Johnny Knox is explosive and under utilized. Earl Bennet is injured. Dane Sanzenbacher looks to be solid once he finishes going through puberty. Add an explosive #1 to that group, and you might have something... that is... unless...
THE OFFENSE LINE IS FUCKING AWFUL. Frank Omiyale looks like he shits himself every time he has to get out of his crouch to block a guy. He might as well be 75 years old using a walker that as tennis balls placed on the bottom of each spoke. Figure it the fuck out, Bears. PS: Why did you trade Greg Olsen? Kellen Davis sucks.
I love me some Brian Urlacher, Lance Briggs, and Julius Peppers. However, Briggs complains about money every other year and the Bears have other pressing matters to attend to (see the aforementioned Matt Forte.) The Bears' secondary is saint-like (read as: HOLE-Y.) There clearly are issues for a team that is supposed to be defensive minded.
I'm guessing that when the team over-achieved last year (which was awesome), GM Jerry Angelo said, "Eh, we're not that bad!" And then he didn't do shit (besides trade away an explosive offensive weapon in Greg Olsen for a 32nd round draft pick.)
Don't do this, Bears. I don't know how good the Blackhawks are, and it looks like the Bulls' season will be canceled. Don't tank this season. I need to see something next week on Sunday night.
Ouch. Vikings vs. Bears... what a ratings monster that will be.
Sincerely, your fan,
Prime 99
3 comments:
I'd personally like to thank Chris Harris for moving 6 feet out of Jahvid Best's path to allow him to drop a fantasy game deciding 14 points on me in a single play.
The Blackhawks should be good! Not as good as their Cup winning season, but good.
How is Mike Martz still employed? I said it at my site this morning but why is Cutler taking snaps under center behind THAT line? Why run off Greg Olsen for no reason? Why trade for a "star" QB if you are going to give him SHIT (yes, they are ALL terrible) receivers?
You forgot to mention the best part of the game and reason #3,458 why Lovie Smith should be fired (1-3457 is "employing Mike Martz):
3rd and 1 - Failed run up the middle by Forte
Timeout #2
4th and 1 - Instead of an easy FG, run up the middle by Barber that failed.
Challenge the spot eventhough it was CLEARLY not a first down
Timeout #3 used in the first quarter
Brilliant. Simply brilliant. I like how the NFL is respecting The Walking Dead premiere by giving us a game that no one will watch.
I can't argue with any of this. Thank you for adding to my rant. Go 'Hawks!
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