Santa Cruz

After playing shows on Friday and Saturday night in the Bay Area, Mrs. P., Dick Tracy, Mrs. Tracy, and I went to the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk for the day on Sunday.  It was a pretty great time (mostly) so here is the recap.

To start, Highway 17 can get fucked.  What an awful road.  I feel like driving on that road would be similar to the experience of driving around in the devil's nutsack.  The bottle neck on a Sunday afternoon is no fun and it tested our resolve in ways that no person should have to deal with.  Yes, I'm complaining like a Vietnam veteran except I'm referring to an afternoon drive to Santa Cruz.  Hilariously horrible comparison, eh?  It doesn't matter- the drive sucked balls.  That is all you need to know.

This came up for my Google search of "gridlock traffic."  Much better than Highway 17.

Upon getting there, the boardwalk was crowded.  You could probably fill Wembley Stadium with the amount of dirty children running around in Santa Cruz.  Ever so often I might have pulled a Madden-style running back spin on random people who bumped into me.  It's a goddamn jungle out there!

This kid was in line for every ride we wanted to go on.

Our first mission was to go on the Giant Dipper.  It is one of the best roller coasters around.  I know it doesn't have the fancy loops that many of the modern roller coasters have, but the initial drop is fantastic and the overall experience from start to finish is second to none.  Not to mention that it appeared in "The Lost Boys" and "Dangerous Minds!"  How many other roller coasters can bring that to the table?! 

What, bitches!?

The next ride we decided to check out were the swings.  These are pretty standard at most fairs, but these swings don't just go around, they also angle you slightly so that you go up and down and around.  It was pretty fun.  The one issue I have is that they would not let Mrs. P. and Mrs. Tracy ride in a double swing citing "too much weight."  Considering I'm fairly certain their combined weight is likely less than me (and I'm not overweight for a 6'6" guy) I'm going to call bullshit.  They should bring a scale in if they want to use that excuse.  Not to mention it would be pretty hilarious to put other boardwalk-going patrons on the scale and deny them entry to the ride.  It turns out the actual rule is that two people taller than 48 inches cannot ride together on a swing.  Maybe the woman should have gone with "you two are too tall" rather than "you two are too heavy."  Work on your tact boardwalk employees!

Then there was the obligatory "we have to go get corn dogs" to which Dick Tracy and I added tall cans beer.  I wouldn't eat them all the time because I enjoy keeping my heart valves unclogged, but corn dogs and beer from the boardwalk are quite the satisfying snack.  For good measure, I got an order of garlic fries to make sure everyone enjoyed my breath for the rest of the day.  (We of course all ate garlic fries in order to not have just one person in the group with breath that could kill a vampire.)

Dick Tracy and I wandered into the arcade and found the drum simulator.  Essentially, you pay $1, then pick a song.  There is no guide like in "Rockband" or games of that ilk.  You just play electronic drums how ever you want.  I'm pretty bad at drums, but that didn't stop me from queuing up STP's "Plush" and Filter's "Hey Man, Nice Shot" for my attempt at mimicking Neil Peart.  I'm sure it was awful to listen to, but I had fun.  Of course, a young kid was up after me and absolutely destroyed some Ozzy Osbourne.  This kid was the shit!  I was semi-joking about starting a band with him, but he probably thought I was an awful musician based on my drum performance.  Well played, random kid!

In the end, we all went to the wharf to eat dinner.  I decided on fish and chips and they were tasty.  I never get sick of dipping food in condiments.  Tartar sauce, cocktail sauce, ranch, mustard, brown mustard, honey mustard, ketchup, sweet and sour, soy sauce, etc.  They are all fantastic- not all for fish and chips, obviously, but I'm now specifically referring to my love of condiments.  I can easily become sidetracked when talking about condiments...

The drive home was still a pain with moderate bouts of traffic, but in the end, we made it home safe and sound.  It was a tiring, fun and successful trip to the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk.  The End. 

[Closes Book] 

[Sighs]