Showing posts with label Phillip Rivers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Phillip Rivers. Show all posts

Monday, October 10, 2011

NFL Week 5

In a raspy voice, "The Raiders... the Raiders will win!"

And they did.  This win was surely dedicated to this man who meant so much to a proud franchise:

"Commitment to BRAAAAAAINS!"
It's an odd thing.  For YEARS I've heard friends of mine who are Raider fans (I only allow a maximum of 3 Raider fans a time to be my friends) say, "We just have to wait until Al Davis dies- then we will be good again!"  Then oddly, the Raiders finish 8-8 last year and look decent this year, and all of a sudden, it is a tragedy when Big Al dies.  I suppose it makes sense.  Death usually gives the deceased a bump in public opinion.  I will say that the Raiders came up HUGE with a win in Texas this weekend, so that is definitely a positive boost for the mourning fan base. 

Let's look at some other highlights/lowlights before getting to the weekly fantasy football update:

- Holy 49ers, Batman!  As my friend and occasional commenter Dick Tracy said, "That was a dick-stomping!"  And he's right.  The Niners looked as good as I've seen in years.  I am a huge Josh Freeman and Bucs hater (though that came back to bite me last week in fantasy) so I'm not going to sit here and say the Niners are "elite."  However, they looked damn good on offense and defense, not to mention they have Ted Ginn, Jr. returning kicks/punts.  Jim Harbaugh is building his team correctly. 

- Tim Te-boner got in the game to replace the bearded Kyle Orton.  He ran around in circles only to lead a comeback against the Chargers.  While the Broncos ultimately fell short, I can't imagine that John Fox does not stick with Tebow for the rest of the year.  He allowed fan chants to get Tebow in the game, so he has to stick with Football Jesus.  Orton weakly clapping on the sideline after Tebow led a touchdown drive shows that Orton knows he's finished in Denver (and probably as a starter in the NFL.)  At least he can make money holding a clip board.  I'd do it, if they'd let me. 

- I love Drew Brees.  The Saints look so-so and still pull out the win against Cam Newton and the Panthers.  Not only that, the Saints even tried to start a fight!  I agree that Steve Smith was dogging it into the end zone to rub it in, but Roman Harper should know better than to hit Smith in the end zone well after Smith crossed the goal line.  There are plenty of basketball players I wish I could've laid a cheap shot on in high school, however, I was smart enough to do it legally during game action while the refs weren't watching. 

- The Eagles are falling apart worse than Al Davis' corpse.  I have no idea how or why, but the Eagles are inexplicably 1-4.  Michael Vick is still dangerous, but he is prone to injury and stupidity.  His O-Line is certainly not helping him out.  The Nightmare Team needs to figure some shit out quickly.  Hopefully they don't because they play the Bears in a month. 

- The Packers are scary.  Just when you think a decent Falcons team has them in a bad spot at 14-0, their defense cracks down and Aaron Rodgers leads a comeback.  I hate the Packers.  To me, they are the AIDS of the NFL.  However, Aaron Rodgers is probably the best QB in the game. 

Ok, fantasy time... let's go in reverse order of quality:

Family and Friends:

CORE 71.90 - BossHogg 74.16

My team is terrible.  Phillip Rivers probably lives under the boardwalk at the Jersey Shore.  The only way I win is at the expense of the Bears.  I have Javid Best left and he has Matt Forte and Bears D.  I hope I lose by a wide margin. 

MSFL:

Murder Panties 146 - The Million Dollar Men 114

This is quickly becoming my favorite league.  I really care about beating a group of people that I either don't know, or haven't seen in over 20 years.  The exception, of course, is my opponent this week- G$.  Previously undefeated, G$ put up a good fight with a great Kevin Walters pick up, but the Bye Week was too much to overcome (he only had MJD as an active RB from his normal roster.)  The Bye Week even swung things to my advantage because I started Pierre Garcon instead of my normal play of Santana Moss.  30 points for a Colt!  Unheard of this year. The match is over, but I still have Robbie Gould tonight. 

Not Cali Keepers:

Peppermill High Rollers 83 - Indy Bound 76

I remained dominant this week.  He has no one left and I have Forte, Best, and the Lions or Bears D to go tonight.  I highly doubt his team name prediction will come true.  He started Mark Sanchez this week, so I'm going to predict that that move disqualifies him right there.  I'll probably start the Bears D, since I have Forte and Best to pad the lead if the game goes in a bad direction. I will listen to advice if I should just bench both defenses though. 

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I'm so ready for tonight.  This should be a fun game.  I'm happy for the Lions to be getting back to respectability, but they are only a few weeks (or possibly hours) away from me hating their guts.  Go Bears!

Friday, August 26, 2011

First Fantasy Draft In The Books

Alright folks, it is causal Friday here at Prime99. I spent my Thursday night drinking Gentleman Jack, listening to STP, and drafting my first fantasy football team.

The official drink for Fantasy Football Drafts.
I was randomly given the ninth pick out of ten teams.  I had a lot of fun making ridiculous drunk comments to the rest of the league- some of whom I don't know at all.  Pushing all that aside, let's look at the team I have acquired:

AP was taken #1 | Arian Foster went #2 | #3 was inexplicably the terrorist Rashad Mendenhall | Ray Rice went #4 | Chris Johnson held out til #5 (get it?!) | Jamaal Charles was #6 | Aaron Rodgers #7 | Darren McFadden #8 | and my pick was...

Michael Turner.  Not bad for #9.  I wanted a stable RB.  I probably would've drafted Aaron Rodgers if he dropped to me, but I'm content with Turner.

#10 was Shady McCoy
#11 was Andre Johnson

And as the draft snaked back to me, I selected...

Phillip Rivers at #12.  I feel he's primed for a nice year and I will enjoy reaping the benefits of the gorgeous whether in The Whale's Vagina.

Go fuck yourself, San Diego.
Let's list the rest of my team without worrying about who was picked when:

WR Vincent Jackson (double points!)
WR Miles Austin (he has gorgeous eyes!)
RB Knowshon Moreno (Odd name, I hope he's sick)
TE Owen Daniels (ready for a big year)
FLEX Javid Best (start putting up those numbers from Cal... sans the concussions...) 
K Robbie Gould (had to get my Bears on somewhere)  

Bench: Bouldin, Ingram, Orton Express, Rashad Jennings, Devin Hester, Aaron Hernandez, and sleeper Colt McCoy

DEF - Patriots
DEF - Giants

So what do you think?  Am I a contender without knowing any of the other teams' rosters?  I named my team CORE after the first STP album.  I want to rape the rest of the league while I force them to listen to "Sex Type Thing."

A warning to the rest of the league.
I love Fantasy Football.